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June 8
Another day, another story. School has been relatively normal today. I actually discovered that one of my teachers has a sense of humour. That’s strange. And unusual. Oh well…
The mirror in my room is plotting war against me, so I’ll go in the bathroom and take a shower. For heaven’s sake, the water is terribly hot. I combine it with cold water, until it’s just right. I silently slide off my clothes, and watch my shoulders and my face in the bathroom mirror. Smooth pale skin. Most of the girls in my class would die for tanned skin, but not me. I like it white. Pale. Dangerous, hot white. I enter the shower, and I shiver at the contact with water. I relax for a moment, water running down my breasts, my navel, my thighs. I always considered myself a sexy teenager, so this got me quite horny.
“No, Nicole, no time for this now�
I reach for the shower gel and brush my whole body, until it’s silver clean. I wash my hair, the soft place between my legs, and can’t help a moan. Water is trickling down my body now, and I reach for the towel.
I look in the mirror, and just love the rosy cheeks I got from the hot steam.
I go to my room, dry myself and my hair and dress in a comfortable tank top and shorts. It’s quite warm in my room, but I can’t open the window because it’s raining outside. It’s been raining for a whole day now. More rain and the county will soon be flooded.
I take a chair and watch the world outside my window. What others might consider boring, I find fascinating. People minding their own businesses, some talking, some walking their dogs, everybody leading their lives, one way or another. And I suddenly find myself invading their privacy.
“Oh please, Nicole, don’t be stupid�
After all it was their choice to go outside and be seen by obsessive people like me. I’m not doing anything wrong.
Out of nowhere, I remember one of my colleagues, that was once a very good friend, but now she’s unrecognizable. She has become… vain. That is what I fear most. Becoming vain. That’s why when my friends start acting stupidly vain, I always tell them to stop, because most people can’t stand vanity. And I can’t stand it either.
But with her it’s a totally different story. I never had to tell her to stop, because she had never had such issues. But now I see her, and she isn’t friendly anymore. She talks on the phone almost all the time. And when she doesn’t she’s just wasting time, and acting like she’s herself and she doesn’t care what other people think, they can just fuck off.
But that’s not a bad thing, is it? I mean. Why would it be bad to just be yourself? A small voice in my head whispers “society�.
That’s right! In the society we live in now, you can’t afford to give a shit on what people think. You must please. Otherwise, you are labelled. They like to call you ‘rebel’.
Do I care to much about what other people think about me, that I’m bothered by her attitude? Actually, I just labelled her. ‘Vain’ I said. That’s not the Nicole I know. What’s wrong? Has society transfigured me into a common monster? A sociopath? With principles and ethical rules?
What has become of me?
I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now
Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
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Abandon thought, and let the dream descend
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